Simply put...

This is fucking bullshit. I just hate this fucking feeling... Why the fuck do I always do this? I just don't know anymore. I don't really understand what I'm feeling. It's just so BLAAAGGGGHH! I feel like driving my fist through a fucking wall right now. but at the same time I just want to fucking be held. Want to feel like I'm wanted as opposed to some nice guy who's just around. If I've ever made someone feel unwanted who was close to me I'm sorry because it feels like shit really. Anyone who isn't close to me still I'm sorry. SHIT FUCK DAGGERS FULL OF FUCKING CUNT FUCK SHIT THIS BITCH FUCKED SLAPPED IN THE FUCKING FACE KICK YOUR ASS IN THE FUCK FACE SHIT FOR BRAINS MOTHERFUCKER SHIT FACED FUCKER... I feel there are not enough curse words... I'd use intelligent language but I'm past that....

JUst BEcause I can

For those of you who know what I'm talking about... FUCK!!! It's funny how you can still feel lonely even when you are surrounded by people who love and care for you.... Actually it's quite sad... FUCK!!!

CHICKEN NUGGITS

Life is interesting... Feelings are interesting... The people you begin to care for and the depth that it goes to is interesting... Listening about someone else who is acting on their feelings for someone who you have come to love. Is interesting. But how have i come to love this person and WHY WHY WHY am I so dang confused... Am I being a pansy by saying I don't want to ruin the friendship? That I want it to develop properly... I care about her more than she will probably know. I don't want to bombard her with my feelings or even tell her there is an inkling yet. She's being bombarded by other men and i don't want to be on the inside and hit her with the same thing and disorient her. I mean am i being a little bitch about it or am I actually doing the right thing for the friendship. Does she already know my feelings for her? She is very perceptive. But she's said in the past that she just sees me as a friend. We weren't talking about us directly but she used me as an example... AHHH WHY WHY WHY do i always fall for the ones who don't want me like that? I'd be great being her friend for the rest of my life. I just want her in my life as a friend at least. It's weird because i've never really wanted a friendship to last. There were those that I expected to last but once they dissipated i just let them go. I'd try for a second but then i'd let it be. This one i would try to hold on for as long as i could. If was finished i'd let it go but i would actually mourn this one for a while then move on in life. Here i am spilling my ish to the world. Really no one reads it but in the hopes that someone will and this will let them know they aren't alone in their constant relational confusion. I love her. There is no doubt... but WHY DID I FALL FOR HER!!!! JAKKA JAGGA JAKKA JAGGA!!!! If you read all of this then PLEASE give some insight from an outside view on a fuzzy situation. You don't know details but still anything will help lol. AHHHGH!! I kinda want to move on and just build the friendship and that be it. find romance somewhere else... UPDATE: FUCK IT.....

First Of Many

Now this blog has no purpose to inform on any specific subject just a place where i come to blow off steam and get ish off my chest. If you can relate let me know tell me one of your stories. Blow off your steam here and i'll do what I can to help you out. :) Tonight... I talk about... Women... I'm a man. The type of man women say women go for... I don't see it. When will I be more than just that brother figure or a friend? I'm not saying I've never had a girlfriend... I had one in 7th grade and almost had one freshman year of college... Every time i get interested i get hit with "I just don't see you like that..." WTF!!! I'm not asking for every single girl I meet to be all into me. What am I doing wrong? Is it possible to be too nice? I mean i'm not about to change who I am and become a douche or start being faux jerky... Right now I'm about ready to run my face through a wall. I'm falling in love with my best friend and I'm not sure how she'll take it once I tell her. It's kind of a big deal for me so I'm not just going to blurt it out just because. I'm very methodical I want to make sure that it's real before I go trying to change the dynamic of things... some would say I need to just grow a pair but no I say I need to find out how she feels. I cherish this friendship quite a bit... but whatever. BLAHHHHHH!!!!! I just wish she would hug me one day and I would know for sure. She has to know though... and she probably thinks I'm a little beezy by now and is like "we're just going to stay friends. I could never be with such a little beezy..." Probably not. Once I explain it to her she'll understand what took so long and hopefully see just how worth it she is and i know she is. Someone punch me in the face with guts so I can just do it. But now it's just a matter of when and how the only time i'm with her as of late is around other people... I don't know when we'll have any alone time... I kinda want to schedule a day of us just hanging out and tell her at the beginning and we continue our day accordingly I really doubt that whatever happens it will so awkward that she won;t want to hang out with me. If I tell her at the end she'll think that I was expecting something and then the whole day i'll be creating this tension because I know i'm telling her later... LIEF HAS SO MANY UNPREDICTABLE VARIABLES!!!! Throw a banana in a fan and it'll never explode the same way...