First Of Many

Now this blog has no purpose to inform on any specific subject just a place where i come to blow off steam and get ish off my chest. If you can relate let me know tell me one of your stories. Blow off your steam here and i'll do what I can to help you out. :) Tonight... I talk about... Women... I'm a man. The type of man women say women go for... I don't see it. When will I be more than just that brother figure or a friend? I'm not saying I've never had a girlfriend... I had one in 7th grade and almost had one freshman year of college... Every time i get interested i get hit with "I just don't see you like that..." WTF!!! I'm not asking for every single girl I meet to be all into me. What am I doing wrong? Is it possible to be too nice? I mean i'm not about to change who I am and become a douche or start being faux jerky... Right now I'm about ready to run my face through a wall. I'm falling in love with my best friend and I'm not sure how she'll take it once I tell her. It's kind of a big deal for me so I'm not just going to blurt it out just because. I'm very methodical I want to make sure that it's real before I go trying to change the dynamic of things... some would say I need to just grow a pair but no I say I need to find out how she feels. I cherish this friendship quite a bit... but whatever. BLAHHHHHH!!!!! I just wish she would hug me one day and I would know for sure. She has to know though... and she probably thinks I'm a little beezy by now and is like "we're just going to stay friends. I could never be with such a little beezy..." Probably not. Once I explain it to her she'll understand what took so long and hopefully see just how worth it she is and i know she is. Someone punch me in the face with guts so I can just do it. But now it's just a matter of when and how the only time i'm with her as of late is around other people... I don't know when we'll have any alone time... I kinda want to schedule a day of us just hanging out and tell her at the beginning and we continue our day accordingly I really doubt that whatever happens it will so awkward that she won;t want to hang out with me. If I tell her at the end she'll think that I was expecting something and then the whole day i'll be creating this tension because I know i'm telling her later... LIEF HAS SO MANY UNPREDICTABLE VARIABLES!!!! Throw a banana in a fan and it'll never explode the same way...